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General => General Discussion => Topic started by: zombie on August 10, 2012, 05:38:08 AM
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This old guy needed to plant his garden but was too frail. His son was in prison for murder. But he still helped. He sent a letter to his dad pleading him NOT to dig near the tree. He said he had something in the ground that should be left there.
By the end of the week the cops had dug up the entire yard. The old guy had the biggest garden he had ever planted.
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thats cool. is that a true storie?
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This urban legend/joke is so old, it is even a formal joke where I live...
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..i get it...
..32 dumb blonde jokes..
1 Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Because they get their head stuck in the jar!
2 Why do blondes wear underwear?
To keep their ankles warm.
3 Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid?
They can't fit 8 quarts of water in that little package.
4 What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
5 Why do blondes like tilt steering?
More head room!
6 How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
She opens the car door.
7 What do blondes and turtles have in common?
Once they're on their backs they're screwed!
8 What's the mating call of a blonde?
I think I'm drunk!
9 What's the mating call of a Brunette?
Is that damn blonde gone yet?
10 Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
That's where you wash vegetables!
11 Why does a blonde have T.G.I.F. on her shoes?
Toes go in first!
12 What does a peroxide blond and a 747 have in common?
They both have black boxes.
13 What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up!
14 What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
15 How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
Blow in her ear!
16 How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle?
Shine a flashlight in her ear?
17 What do you call a Zit on a blonde's butt?
A Brain Tumor!
18 How do you kill a blonde? Put spikes in her shoulder pads?
19 What's the advantage to being married to a blonde?
You can park in the handicapped zone!
20 What does a blonde do first thing in the morning?
She goes home!
21 Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
To keep her neck warm.
22 Why did the blonde cross the road?
Never mind that, what was she doing out of the kitchen?
23 How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday?
Tell her a joke on Friday?
24 What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
An interpreter.
25 If a Blonde and a Brunette both jumped off a bulding at the same time, who would land first?
The Brunette.....the blonde would have to stop and ask directions.
26 Two Blondes were walking along, and came to some tracks. One blonde said, "Those look like deer tracks", and the other said, "No, they look like Moose tracks". They were still arguing when the train hit them.
27 What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball!
28 What do you call a blonde with a loonie on her head?
All you can eat for under a buck!
29 What did the blonde call her pet Zebra?
Spot!
30 How can you tell when a blonde has been using your word processor?
By the whiteout on the screen.
31 How is a dumb blond different from a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747.
32 How is a dumb blond like spaghetti?
They both squirm when you eat them.
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:D :D :D :D Blondes......gotta love em....... :D :D :D :D
I used to prefer blondes when i was younger, when i was a gentleman........or poss cos they put out more often. :D Now i lrecer brunettes, tho lately ive had a little thing for redheads, not gingers tho :P
I had a bad experience with a ginger girlfriend when i was in my teens, those ones are fu©king nuts. Once bitten and all that :o
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...ummm..a bunch of ginger jokes...
just for you streido
:-*
Q: Whats the difference between a ginger and a brick?
A: At least a brick gets laid.
Q: How does every Redhead joke begin?
A: By looking over your shoulder!
Q: Why are the Harry Potter films unrealisitc?
A: A ginger kid has 2 friends!
Q: How many Ginger people does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They prefer to sit in the dark.
Q: What do redheads and McDonald's have in common?
A: You've never had it so good and so fast.
Q: What do gingers look forward to later on in life?
A: Grey Hair
Q: What's the difference between ginger pussy and a bowling ball?
A: You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.
Q: Why are ginger kids lucky?
A: They get their own room when they stay at Michael Jackson's house
Q: How can two redheads become invisible in a crowd of three?
A: When they're with a blonde.
Q: Why do redheads take the pill?
A: Wishful thinking.
Q: What do you call a redhead with an attitude?
A: Normal.
Q: What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart if you’re a redhead?
A: Through his ribcage.
Q: What’s the advantage of a blond over a redhead?
A: You can at least ignore a blond safely.
Q: How do you get a redhead’s mood to change?
A: Wait 10 seconds.
Q: What’s the difference between dating a redhead and putting your hand in a blender?
A: There’s always a 50/50 chance the blender isn’t on.
Q: What do you call a good looking man with a redhead?
A: A hostage.
Q: What do you call a redhead with a blond on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: Why was the first football pitch sketched out on a redhead's chest?
A: They needed a level playing field.
Q: Why are redheads flat chested?
A: It makes it easier to read their T- shirts
Q: What do gingers miss most about a great party?
A: The invitation.
Q: What's worst than Eric Cartman making fun of Gingers on November 9th, 2005 in Season 9 Episode 11: Ginger Kids?
A: Being a Ginger Kid and having to go to school on November 10th, 2005!
Q: What do you call a redhead with large breasts?
A: A mutant.
Q: What is the difference between a redhead and a computer?
A: Redhead won’t accept a three and a half inch
Q: What’s the difference between a redhead and a lawyer?
A: There’s some things even a lawyer won’t do to people.
Q: How do you know when you’ve satisfied a redhead?
A: She unties you
Q: What do redheads and McDonald’s have in common?
A: You’ve never had it so good and so fast.
Q: What do you get when you mix Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together?
A: A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q: What’s safer: a redhead or a piranha?
A: The piranha. They only attack in schools.
Q: Why aren’t there any more redhead jokes?
A: Someone told them to a redhead.
Q: How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
A: Say something like "I’m one of those males who love redheads... jokes."
Q: What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
A: Normal
Q: Why are gingers like guns?
A: Keep one around long enough, and you re goin to want to shoot it.
Q: Why is it called the Virgin Islands?
A: Only Gingers live there!
Q: Why did God invent colour blindness?
A: So someone will fancy the ginger kids.
Q: What do you call a soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of red hair between his two front teeth?
A: A GLAD-HE-ATE-HER
Q: What's the difference between a dead possum on the road and a dead ginger?
A: The possum was probably on its way to meet friends!
Q: What do you call a redhead who Masterbates more than twice a day?
A: A Terrorwrist
Q: Whats the difference between a terrorist and a ginger?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist!
Q: What’s the difference between dating a redhead and putting your hand in a blender?
A: There’s always a 50/50 chance the blender isn’t on.
Q: How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
A: There’s a hammer embedded in the monitor
Q: How do you start an argument with a redhead?
A: Say something.
Q: What do you call a ginger whose phone rings on a Saturday night?
A: Shocked.
Q: How do you get a redhead’s mood to change?
A: Wait 10 seconds
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Ah Gingers, or ging-ers as we call them :D
Funny types alright. Hair like Irn Bru lol
You wont know what Irn Bru is so heres the lowdown....http://mirror.uncyc.org/wiki/Irn_Bru (http://mirror.uncyc.org/wiki/Irn_Bru)
And heres the worst blind date ever..........
New Irn Bru Blind date 2012 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZQ4dP6oMKI#ws)
Never see them sunbathing either, like Albinos. Or vampires ;D
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Never see them sunbathing either, like Albinos. Or vampires
..yeah, vampires suck......
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The last hole I dug in the back yard my wife said keep diging its not big enough for you and your scoot.
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The last hole I dug in the back yard my wife said keep diging its not big enough for you and your scoot.
..lmfao!!...that's some funny chit right there!!!!
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A California business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for the evening. Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling "Gama Su!, Gama Su!". Hearing this, the Californian knew he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep. The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away! Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese. Wanting to impress his friends, the Californian joined in and began yelling, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Suddenly everyone became quiet. After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked "Wrong hole? What do you mean wrong hole?"
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;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Forgot...
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What does a fat woman and a scooter have in common?
They are both fun to ride till a friend sees you...
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..one white white boy...
:o
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Why did humpty dumpty knock his wife off the wall?
So he could see her crack....
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..this is, aparently, a joke thread..sssso....if 5-0, dumb blondes, humpty dumpty and streido's ex girlfriend are fair game....
...wellllll...it's zombie's thread....
..what say you z??...just what th hell is really going on here???
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.this is, aparently, a joke thread..sssso....if 5-0, dumb blondes, humpty dumpty and streido's ex girlfriend are fair game....
...wellllll...it's zombie's thread....
What are you saying?.... that Zombie's threads are jokes?... ???
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What are you saying?.... that Zombie's threads are jokes?...
..huh??
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You all have really lost it... My threads are not jokes at all... They are blatant lies. I'm really a dwarf retard. I live in a leper colony in Niger (the country bitches). I thought if I just belonged somewhere I could forget the pain of my life. Opppps... My right testicle just fell off. They don't hurt me anymore. Not since my arms fell of along with most of my colon. The only pain now is when those filthy black apes swarm on me at night. I have no eyes so they always sneak up on me, and yell "Choo Choo". How they learned to talk is anyones guess but I think someone fell out of the tree if you get my drift. Well I'm sorry I am not a real zombie. If I was tho I would be a Nice zombie. Like a day care worker zombie, or a pet groomer zombie. Not a mean scare the kids zombie. Sorry guys... I'm just a dwarf retard with no life.
Now this looks like a nice family outing...
Butchering a Cow (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOEJrIwPzg0#ws)
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you're not a zombie,.. you're a baby....
(http://i.imgur.com/F1x7V.jpg)
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Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
.........the wheelchair ;D
(https://fbcdn-photos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/255390_402157233167429_1498494354_n.jpg)
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That's frigin sad Steroido! Plain sad...
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That's frigin sad Steroido! Plain sad...
No its not, its f***ing hilarious, they said so.
Want to go a buck each for the vid?
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Put me down for a twenty. I want to use the vid as my email business signature
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Put me down for a twenty. I want to use the vid as my email business signature
LMAO :D
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That's what they have to think of when I'm riding 350hp engine cowls that cost approz $4,000.00 on a 400 dollar 4t scooter frame. I'm just a little Niger baby (The country again bitches) trying to beg out a living fixing their broken sh** while they speed off into the sunset in their convertible Hummer. I guess I am a real Zombie after all. How bout that? :P
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What does a fat woman and a scooter have in common?
They are both fun to ride till a friend sees you...
I was going to say a spare tire.
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Your scooter has a spare tire Blue? I'm assuming you just woke up when you posted that...
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Havent got Ranji's video yet but i have found this.......
http://weinterrupt.com/2010/07/rescued-monkey-slaughters-farmers-chickens/ (http://weinterrupt.com/2010/07/rescued-monkey-slaughters-farmers-chickens/)
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LMAO......and this too :D :D :D :D
Crip Heard: Dancer with one leg and one arm!!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qSklDMBnQM#)
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That's the Old Apollo Theater. People had a sense of humor even back then!
Yo Mr. left foot! How's it hangin' buddy?
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Wonder if thats where James Brown got his inspiration for this song?
James Brown - Good Foot (Rare) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DAfBZbz3tI#)
I used to fu©king love James Brown, what a dude! 8)
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He was definitely one of a kind! I could never have survived his life... Him either...
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What does a fat woman and a scooter have in common?
They are both fun to ride till a friend sees you...
I've heard this joke so many times and I have to disagree.
I've been with fat girls and I've rode scooters :-[. I'd much rather ride a scooter and have everyone I know see me than have sex with a fat girl and nobody see it.
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A woman posted an ad in the papers : WANTED: Man, not more than 30 years old who won't leave me, won't hurt me and must be great in bed.
After a day, she heard the door bell ring and when she opened the door she found a man on a wheelchair with no arms and legs.
Man: I'm here for the ads.
Woman: How can I be sure you won't leave me?
Man: Can't you see, I have no legs
Woman: How can I be sure you won't hurt me?
Man: Can't you see, I have no arms, can't even hurt a fly...
Woman: How can I be sure you're great in bed?
Man: How do you think I was able to ring the f*cking doorbell???